This Time

Last time I went to Japan, I was in a relationship. He stayed in Boston and I moved to Japan. The whole time I was there, I constantly doubted my decision to move abroad. Was I ruining my chances at a happy relationship? Was I breaking that guy's heart? The whole time, I worried so much.


This time I don't want to worry, I want to live in the present moment with no strings attached to any relationship or any promise for what might or might not be. I've promised my best friend that I will stay single, that is not in a serious relationship, for 2 years.  Thank goodness for her - She's holding me accountable to myself. This time, it's all about finding out who I am, what my talents are, what is important.

Dust less: Life is better dirty

It's funny how moving makes you realize how much stuff you have.  The process makes you handle every item you own at least once if not multiple times - organizing, choosing what to let go of, what to pack, how to pack it, in what box to pack it, etc. The moving company I'm using, Yamato, actually asks me to make a detailed list of items in every box, so it makes me really notice how much I am packing and how to organize it. Whenever I start to get overwhelmed and stressed, I try to remember to just let things go. They're only things. Sometimes when I think about throwing something away, I hear certain voices saying, "what if you could use it later?... or couldn't you sell it and make some money?... or isn't there someone you could give it to?... what a waste!... don't you know there are poor people who would love to have that thing you're throwing out?"


The voices of self-doubt in my mind might be right. But do you know how much time and energy it takes to sell small items?  Definitely not worth the $1 I might make. Yes, I will try to sell my TV and furniture. But measuring cups? Beer mugs? An ugly orange tank top I never wear?  Those things are going in a box marked "free stuff" that I will put outside my building.


"Free stuff." I like how that sounds, like that 90's movie "Free Willy." Really, wouldn't "stuff" be happier if it were "free?"


It might be more difficult to get certain things in Japan, or more expensive, but not impossible. The world is smaller than ever, and true physical freedom means you have to be portable, mobile, always ready to go on the next adventure.


My philosophy, which comes in part from growing up in cluttered houses, is that stuff not only keeps you from moving physically to a new geographical location, but it keeps your mind cluttered with worries (where did I put my passport?... maybe I should dust the bookshelf?... or iron the drapes?.... polish the end tables?...). Open space = an open mind. Your physical environment, meaning your apartment, desk, computer, and even the way you dress, mirrors what is inside your mind. The more attached you are to things, the less willing you are to give things away, be generous with your possessions and even your less tangible gifts.  If there are papers to file, clothes to iron (I swear to never again own clothing that needs ironing, much less an iron), or books to dust, how can you go out into the world and meet your destiny, fulfill your dreams, meet, help and learn from other people?  Dust less, get dirty more - playing soccer with friends, helping construct houses with Habitat for Humanity, or planting flowers in your garden.


As soon as I finish writing this, I am throwing out my feather duster and re-labeling my "stuff to maybe bring" box to "free stuff." Now, the time I would have spent listing the contents of the "maybe" box is free time... and the possibilities are endless.

Portland, Maine

What is it about certain smells, feelings, names, and places that can evoke so many memories?  The brain makes connections based on senses and it seems that some memories are just waiting for a trigger to bring them back to our conscious thoughts.  I went to Portland to see my mom over this Mother's Day for a long weekend.  On the first morning, I went for a 5-mile jog from the East End to the West End of Portland and back.  Jogging up the hill on the East side, I remembered sailing in Casco Bay with my college team mates and our coach, and then instructing sailing for a summer. I remember that whole summer I refused to shave my legs because I was trying out being "natural." Thank goodness that didn't last too long. Jogging down Congress Street, I saw Zarra's Cafe was still there, and I remembered my college friend Ruthy introducing me to Zarra the first week he opened his Cafe about 7 years ago. I ran past the library, and the Longfellow Garden where my friends John & Jess got married. I ran past the Dunkin' Donuts and Portland Hall, places where I would go with my American and Japanese roommates during the Rissho Program. As I jogged past these places, I just saw them for a few seconds, but faces, feelings and the memories of doing these everyday activities came rushing back just from the blueprint of the place in my mind, like a visual combination that opens up a lock on the "memory" safe. Well, I also ran by the Dominican corner store that opened up shortly after I broke up with my Dominican boyfriend, who I lived with (along with his little brother) for a year or so in the back of that big blue apartment building on Park St. in front of Deering Oaks Park. I ran by there, too, and realized I had forgotten that the apartment where I lived before was right next door - my first place living with roommates.  They were both musicians, Alison and Nick.  I remember the last time I went up to Portland I ran into him. It was about 6 years after we had been roommates, but instantly we recognized each other.  Each time I go up to Portland, which is at least a few times a year, I'm always amazed at all the changes. There's more development on the Old Port and there's always new restaurants or different stores. But, I can see the old Portland in my memories wont go away. The only places, people and things that stay the same are in our memories. As a phrase I like says, "The only constant is change."

My Happy Places

Just taking a moment to think about the places where I've been the happiest...
Boston - these last few months, in grad school, single, biking everyday, working at the University and especially these last couple days being SO incredibly active outdoors, playing all kids of sports and spending lots of time with friends makes me feel so happy
Brazil - in Florianopolis playing around on the beach with friends, or in Rio drinking a fresh acai smoothie while talking with friends or just watching people walk by...
Japan - going out dancing with friends, exploring my town on bicycle, exploring Kyoto with friends
Hawaii - surfing at Waikiki, snorkling at Hanauma Bay, visiting my childhood neighborhood
Dominican Republic - dancing all night on the beach until the sun comes up, motorcycle riding